About
Luka Suban
Birth year: 1988Gender: Non-binary
Now if I look back, I say "it was clear that I was trans." Since the moment they told me to draw a person and I drew him with pants, with short hair, you know? With his hands in his pockets, and what the psychologist said was “ah, she has an issue with sexual identification, she has some issue there. Another psychologist said "no, it's that she has a kind of depression." Another said “no, it's that she’s bipolar,” another “it's not that, she has schizophrenia.” ...Now I look back and it was super obvious, I was just a trans person, and when I told people I felt like something wasn’t me, they said “oh, depersonalization, or problems with reality.”
⸻ Body
I didn't know that trans people existed, but looking back I always did “boy” things.
⸻ Archive
I didn’t know how to say it, I didn’t know how to put it into words, and verbalizing it would make it real. So I was also afraid to say it with a name, to say you know what? I'm trans. It's not this confusing thing anymore. It is no longer this not knowing who I am, it is not that at times I feel like this, or think this. It is a statement, it is taking something on. And I was too afraid to say it.
⸻ Family portrait