Marcia Molina

Birth year: 1970Gender: Trans woman

For many years, I didn't know what I was, either. I don't know, I didn't know if maybe I was gay. And then I said “I'm not gay,” you know? Because either I'm bisexual…I don't know why, I like women more than men, but I've been with both, you know? And I attracted both of them, that is, women and men. But even at that time, when I dressed as a woman, I didn't see a man dressed as a woman, I never saw myself like that. I always dressed myself and did my own makeup, and I saw myself as a woman.

⸻ Self portrait
⸻ Body

I've always liked designing clothes, and well, I've been drawing since I was little. So my mom, she saw that all my brothers were playing football with the men outside and I was inside, drawing little girl's dresses and things like that. And she hated that. She wanted me to go play ball. She forced me to be macho.

⸻ Environment

At 15 I became rebellious. I went to parties, you know? I started to, I admit that I got into drugs... and... Do you know what it was? That I wanted to die, I wanted to explode, I wanted to die. And as I said, I screwed up several times, you know? I tried to cut my arms and a lot of things, and I was fighting with everybody. Do you know what I wanted? I wanted to be killed. So anytime there was a party and there was a fight there, I got involved, you know?

My mom was always very militaristic with all of us, guess what party my parents were from! From the UDI. Yes, even though she didn’t have a pot to piss in. They were UDI supported and they were in the marches of Mr. Pinochet. And in my rebellious period, went around throwing stones at the tanks, all those things.

⸻ Archive

What I wanted was to be a woman and... my children were born and everything and I couldn’t show it, I had to, I felt... it's because my mother put so much responsibility in my head, you know? Because I am capable of giving my life for another person, but if they deserve it, my family, my children.... And I started to get so depressed that I became an alcoholic.

In April of last year [2016] I came out, because I was positive I wanted to transition, five years before, So it was as if I was transitioning. I wasn't taking hormones, but I was losing weight, avoiding manual labor, you know? To make my arms shrink. I'm still trying to get my arms and back smaller, you know? Recently my body has begun to emerge as more feminine. And I've been taking hormones for about two years.

⸻ Objects
⸻ Family portrait